It came to me the other day that my last official working day was going to be literally 15 years and 4 months to the day! SOS was born on 5th July 2010. Fitting really.

The main questions that came from my last post that you may have also pondered, included:

1) What will you do in your first week or two of retirement.
Answer = rest, therapy, whatever falls out of the procedure tomorrow, Thursday 6th. In all reality that is all I can do for the remainder of the year and my entire focus is to be well enough to enjoy Xmas in Bargara with Jenbo's side of the family and Aunt Di for her 70th. First time since I was probably a teenager have we all got together!

2) How are you feeling about finishing up SOS.
Answer = a lot of emotions. I will miss the interactions with my clients who have become friends. I'm already missing the adrenaline and cortisol hit of the reactiveness of what comes in and how I can help others and solve problems. Super grateful to those who trusted me to help them and enjoyed sharing the experience of learning and growing together. Proud of how many people I got to help and touched by all of the thoughful messages, emails, calls, or video calls received since I made the announcement on how I helped them or what I did for them or how I changed their lives. It was a lot to take in for someone who has never been one to seek or need touching words. But I did lose my words (genuinely, not brain related!) during those interactions and got emotional at their emotion.

3) Where are things at with the insurance?
Answer = unknown but Trudy is helping me now given I didn't know what I was doing!

4) How will you not get swindled (like Pendlebury) when you get your payout and/or not end up buying that cadillac you've always wanted or a villa in Italy and not know you did it? (hahaha - all very valid!!)
Answer = Bloody good question and thanks to those who raised it. I've had my great friend (and lawyer) Kel help me with some practical strategies there and downloaded them to J&M tonight so they help me not forget to implement haha

5) What is the plan for the procedure on the 6th Nov?
Answer = I go in at 730am. I've got a support worker nurse taking me in and will stay until around 945. She will help advocate for my needs to try ensure a smoother experience and help with my short term memory recall issues.
I'm due in at 930am and scheduled to be in for an hour. They have prepped me for 0 - 5 nights stay, pending what they may/may not need to do surgically. Then I wait for biopsy results which could be weeks.
I'm going to John Flynn Private - my first experience on the GC and I've only heard good things. Elise & Scott and family live 3mins away and Elise will be getting the updates on my status and picking me up assuming its a day procedure only. Either her or I will do an update in the comments on this post. If I get to go home it should be around lunch time and I'll stay with Elise and the family that night for supervision :-)

6) How are you feeling generally?
A little weird. So many unknowns.
Unknown insurances and finances.
Unknown procedure outcomes.
Unknown if my brain will get the benefits from slowing up and resting.
Unknown if my short term memory recall will come back.
Unknown if my SPS and HSV in lungs will improve or steady with the new lifestyle.
Unknown what my new purpose will be. Some ideas on the back burner though.
Unknown how long it will take to get the adjustment of the adrenaline rush I got from SOS and be comfortable not getting it! The psychologist said maybe 2-3 months given what I used to do (wow, I'm already in past tense...'used to do'!).
Unknown when I'll have the energy and time to think about my purpose more and get it started.

Basically I have a blank canvas but a lot of unknowns before I get to start painting on it!!

What I do know is:
That it will likely be a couple of months feeling like this before things are known as advised by the psych.
That, I, Loren Downing, will need to be patient. Something I know I am not haha.
That I won't know any of the above without trying a different way of life. So here goes!
I have the best support crew going. Hands down. My NDIS squad all reminded me this last week that not many of their patients have the family and friends crew I have. Or the positive outlook on life and attitude to keep getting better. Or the sense of humour during tough times. Or the resilience to keep seeking more. That was reassuring and comforting to hear.

So together (you and them) we know I will be just fine and soon I'll be painting on my blank canvas.
I'm sure that there will be some exciting, random, and rewarding things to come and I'm impatiently waiting to find them and share them!!